I think I died a long time ago.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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