I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
