At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
