idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
