My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
