He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
