i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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