Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
