Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
