you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
