Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
