it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
