I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
