YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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