$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
