Can Purell be used as lube?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize