I want to make a zoo with you.
I can text with my tongue
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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