Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
