why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
