we're blogging at a bar
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize