i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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