We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
