Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
