do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
