I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
