I think I died a long time ago.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
