Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
the condom got lost in my hair
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
