just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
