Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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