you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
