I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
