On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
