That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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