It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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