Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
