Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
