My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
