this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
