it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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