you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
