stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
