The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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