sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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