so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
