No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
