This is not my ceiling
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
