You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
