he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
