was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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