you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
