i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
