her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
