Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
