he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
