dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
