I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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