I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
