Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
