a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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