Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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