I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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