Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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