Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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