covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
