I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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