I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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